Dear Wine, Sushi & Everything Delicious,
It has come to my attention that you are both assholes. Although I loved you dearly and consumed you both in large amounts, it seems as though you have betrayed me. My hips, thighs and ass told me so. They screamed out in desperation to fit into a pair of fabulous jeans that they were once so familiar with.
As we discussed before this asshole is mostly to
blame for the recent months. But now that I have removed the asshole from my life, I can't blame that any longer. Time to remove ALL assholes. I decided to step on a scale recently after months of pretending I was the same size. My jeans became sad, then my black shorts were sad, then the ultimate....my favorite granny panties that usually hang off me, suddenly fit a tad snug!! OH NO! You were supposed to be there for me, granny panty! You were there to cover the newest roll that was born over the summer and you let me down!!! So I now no longer have my trusty grans..those grans that covered it all...no tugging, no lines. EPIC FAIL!Something has GOT to change ASAP, and I say this daily, yet by 5pm I have a glass of Pinot Grigio in hand and swear it is my only glass for the day. Then as soon as I finish that last tasty drop my mind and mouth tell me that I must have just one more glass of this fruity goodness....until OH NO....my bottle is empty! Wine and I used to never have an issue, but I guess turning 30 affected me, like the ACTUAL day I turned 30. F. I will be 31 in 3 weeks....what's next? Giving up lettuce?
Something has to help me stay accountable to myself, so I am telling all my blog people how it's gonna go down. I will attempt Zumba daily, bad coordination and all, and hopefully not break my good ankle. I will bore myself to tears on the half-broken treadmill I have managed to fix with a chip clip (wont need the damn clip for chips anymore anyway)...and I will eat 1000-1200 cals a day, and I will not under any circumstances consume the asshole that I once called my BFF...well, not during the week anyway.
So, cheers to water, nothing, nothing, and more delicious nothing!!!JJ
I heard wine is good for the heart.
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