As I write this, I am a slight bit under the influence of vodka. But no fear, I believe I think more clearly after ONE drink. Not, 2, 3, 4-9...Just one. Can anyone relate? It's like after ONE drink you suddenly feel clarity and you feel everything with just a dot more passion than when sober and by the end of drink ONE you feel the need to share this feeling.
So sometimes I think I am bat shit crazy, like for real. Then I wonder...how many people think the same thing about themselves and think they are the craziest nut job around, only to figure out that we are all crazy....just about different things. The truth is WE ARE ALL CRAZY! I believe everyone is a hot mess in their own way and every hot mess out there needs therapy...we all need it. The trouble is admitting it, and then finding someone th
at is NOT a douche bag, to be our sofa buddy and listen to us after years of our friends getting sick of our shit.I have been dying to know the answer to one very valid question for years.....HOW does one just suddenly stop being: insecure, needy, worried, paranoid, ...and I could go on and on...
Don't anyone dare tell me to read this BS book and that BS book!
NO!!! THE TRUTH IS... IF ONE PERSON... REALLY DID WRITE SOME BOOK ON THE TRUE ANSWER TO HAPPY RAINBOW SUNSHINE LIFE....DON'T YOU THINK WE'D ALL BE HAPPY SMILES ALL DAY EVERYDAY?...but NO. That is not the case you money hungry guy in a suit who published a book with dollar signs in his eyes, even if he doesn't believe a word it what the book has to say.
We don't all have the same issues...in fact I believe we all have totally different issues....so how can ONE book apply to ME and Jo Smith who lives 19,899 miles away, with a 10000% different life? LIARS!! I bet I can counsel troubled peeps better than these book authors who clearly are just trying to make a buck. I may be nuts but not with other people's issues.
Okay, now on to the games..Let's talk about the "Least Interest Principle".
Although it's total BS to have to use this "principle", it really does work....BUT...I am beginning to think if this does work...you are with a total asshole. Maybe...
This little plan won't work or even be needed, with a truly awesome spouse, BF, GF, whatever...
HOW sad is it that we have to play these games..games that have an actual name.. from some guy that thought he'd make a shitload of money off a newly discovered concept we have all known about since middle school, with the boy that didn't call back... but suddenly liked you once you found a new boy.
Seriously....THIS is a book I could've written myself and some asshole is banking on a concept we've all known since placenta. I SOOOOO WISH I could write a book on relationship BS and the mental crap we all play...it's one clusterfuck of a mess....
I still remember to this day as if it was yesterday...my high school BF and I in the car, going to the Texas A&M bonfire in 97' and him reciting Aeromsith lyrics to me with a cocky little smirk on his face from "Living on the Edge" that said...
"If chicken little tells you that the sky is fallin'
Even if it wasn't would you still come crawlin'
Back again?
I bet you would my friend
Again & again & again & again & again (This part was emphasized..) Looking back it makes sense now...he knew he had all the power and control.
Look, I still LOVE listing to Aerosmith, but when I hear that song I am back in 1997 all over again, in the back seat of that car, right back in the "game".
Funny side note...I still have the red notebook from highschool that me and the boyfriend used to write notes in to each other between classes.
Do people even do that anymore or is everything electronic these days?? I am SO glad I grew up before cell phones got huge, and facebook and myspace ruled the world. At least we can say we have real memories of walking to each other houses, calling each other without knowing who it was before we answered, and passing HAND written notes to each other between classes. I cherish it all still...
OK...SO...BOTTOM line is this: IF you have to play this game with a spouse....wow...that's sad. Oh, but don't get offended...I am one of those assholes that has to play this game STILL and here is the scoop...when does the game end?
Umm, NEVER! You basically go back and forth with the ball of control until one gives in and throws it to you, OR until one finally bows out and says "screw it it, I'm done".
I'm beginning to see that relationships don't change from teen years... to 20's... to 30's... to 60's...its all the same. The game playing never ends.. AND if you beg to differ...you are rare and lucky..
So I think I am in too weird of a place right now to even continue writing this thought, because honestly it could go on and on.
Passion between people and game playing can go hand in hand OR it can be just that, game playing...there is a very thin line there that can confuse the situation. I just got all minded fucked thinking about that so... I will probably delete this before anyone reads it anyway, so...whatever...
UPDATE: I forgot to mention that yes, I am working again..... 5 days in..it's pretty OK considering it's an office job. Cool stuff I am not used to, not that I am over joyed to be working an office again, but it's pretty OK compared to what I had before for the last 7 years. But still...a job that doesn't make me wanna shoot myself is major plus points for me. Oh yeah...
To be honest though, every time I start something new, I do tend to obsess over things of the past, hence my past reflection on relationships, jobs, friends and the other junk in my head this week. I am just a hot mess today...what can I say?!
This needs to end here, but with one more random thought....I am seriously missing my Breaking Bad Sundays!! BAD ASS show...so good my freshly shaved legs grow hair just watching....nothing has done that to me since Six Feet Under...
JJ
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