Well, a couple of people have mentioned after discovering that C & I had a blog, that I should keep writing. I stopped after I lost my job. Originally this was going to be a silly blog for C and I to comment on whatever the topic of lunch that day was, or anything we felt the need to share with everyone or rather... no one. I am not sure I have anything entertaining to say nowadays but I suppose as I am going through this life change as a prisoner in my own house now, I could enlighten whoever may care.
So.....C and I thought our silly lunch time blogs would be fun to start doing back in May. Sometimes our topics of discussion at lunch were too fun not to share. The things we wondered we thought we would put out there in hopes that our blog friends would find us. It sounded fun and was but then after 7 years at the same company I lost my job. Sad? no...hardly. Sad because C is no longer down the street everyday? Yes. It is weird and makes you feel like a piece of shit to lose a job but I was in total hell and even though this is a different kind of hell, it's a better hell. I was at HEB last week right around 5pm and saw all these women in heels and dress pants. I felt a tiny bit of jealousy knowing they had jobs but as I looked closely I realized they are all probably annoyed, getting massive amounts of wine to chill the F out from their shit day at the office. That was me, times infinity. So I guess it is not so bad. My mind changes 900 times a day on the subject. On the other side of it, when I am out and about during the day I see many mom's with their hellions, the ones too young for school yet, so they are the super annoying kids you wanna punch as you shop. I see them and think..oh she is a stay at home mom so she doesn't have to feel guilty. I look around and wonder if anyone else is like me, just an unemployed person looking to kill time and not kill themselves from total insanity. This insanity can be confirmed by my new love and desire to watch Melrose Place on Netflix instant. Although I grew up loving 90210, I never had interest in MP. For the first month of the jobless life I re-watched the Sex and the City series as I job searched on the computer. Once that ended I went to a new LOW and started MP. WTF??? All I can say is, at least I am not drowning myself in Day of our Lives. In fact I have watched Y&R since i was 10. My grandma got me hooked every summer so it just never stopped. I have like 15 days worth in DVR. MP has me all wrapped up in this shit. Sad, yes I know. Mornings are my best time. I get all excited for coffee and computer time, then by 11 I am feeling like a POS. It is such a weird thing to be in this world. I used to fantasize about how awesome it would be to not work at a shit office job with all it's BS office politics. To not have to learn to be a "kiss ass" that I clearly, am not. Maybe if i had been I'd have a job still, but F that business. I don't do that. won't do that. So here I am in the fantasy I hoped for. Not as glam as I thought. It's hard to want to look for another shitty office job after being away from that hell for a while. I think brown nosers are the worst. They are such assholes. But the truth is, they are the ones that go places in that type of environment. This is not a world I want any part of. I suppose retail is worse. It seems they work twice and hard and make half the money the office a-holes make. No one reads this but if people did, right now I'd ask....what do you do with your time with you have this much of it??
JJ
I go shopping and spend money I don't have for the baby!
ReplyDeleteI can relate to what you're going through completely. My husband and I got married 2 weeks after we graduated college. We moved to Atlanta (18 hours away from everyone we know) 2 weeks after that. We came here because he was offered an unpaid internship at a great production house, and it was a connection we couldn't turn down. This left me looking for a job fresh out of school in a city I didn't know, with only 3 contacts.
ReplyDeleteIt's been 3 months, and I still don't have a job. As you saw in my last post, there is hopefully one on the horizon. Even so, I can definitely say that it's been a LONG 3 months. There have been days I felt completely worthless (most days really) and I always have an underlying feeling of guilt that I'm at home while my husband (and the rest of the world) works. I, too, watch people that I know have jobs and feel super jealous...but I guess it is a little different for me because I haven't even entered the work force yet, making me even less hire-able. They say you need experience to get a job, but you can't get experience without one. A very vicious cycle.
Being jobless sucks, but know that there are people out there who feel your pain. I spend lots of time watching TV, and I agree that the mornings are always hopeful while the afternoons and evenings are depressing. By Wednesday or Thursday of every week, I know I won't be getting a call and I feel super discouraged. Those are the days that I cry and feel really shitty, but still know there's no other choice but to deal. I watch TV, read lots of blogs, and generally try to get into a routine. Tuesdays I do laundry, Wednesdays I grocery shop, Thursdays I do some cleaning. It's really important that every day, I do something that makes me feel like I've been productive. For me, doing a chore or two and blogging does that--usually. Finally, I basically just try to avoid spending money because as a young couple with no income, I know that will only make things worse.
I pretty much wrote a novel here, but it seems like you and I are in similar situations. It's super hard, but I hope things get better for you. Eventually, they have to!
Kinsey
Kinsey...I am so glad to read that someone else feels so much like I do...we should keep in touch. :)
ReplyDelete