"Grocery Store People Lie"...Based on a true story

So I admit, I am a bit of a grocery store stalker. I love to secretly gaze into peoples carts while I pretend to be looking at pinto beans, and judge them for the shit I see them buying. I especially have to laugh when I see this:

Ok people, this is just funny. This is the laziest shit I have ever seen. I can't believe that some asshole made money on this concept, and that dumbasses out there shopping are wasting their money on this BS concept. If you buy the regular size box you will notice the calories are the EXACT same and you could count out these dot size portions yourself and put it in your own 100 calorie zip lock bag. Some a-hole in a suit approved this idea like it was some new discovery of a way to be healthy. Well, not if you eat 5 "100 calories packs" and trust me...people do!! May as well eat the whole box and at least save five bucks. Idiots!

Then we have the products that catch your eye by saying "Now 50% less fat!" Did you ever read the back? I am sure the simple fact here is that the package is Now 50% smaller. How the F are these a-holes banking serious coin on these bullshit ideas?? Are people really that stupid and buying into this?





Next we have one of my favorites: "Now 27% more cereal!" or the lint rollers I bought last week that say "Now 37% stickier" SERIOUSLY!! I would like to know who the douche bag is that is measuring out this 37% more sticky factor and where he got his special number! Now on to cereal...yes, I am sure there is 25% more in this box being that is it BIGGER than the other box.

Mr. Gain man, do you really expect me to believe you are giving me double now? NO! You are trying to trick me with your bigger box, OR you are finally filling the big yet half full boxes, yet charging double and saying I get 50% more. You are a LIAR!

Now on to the "Now better tasting" and "Now with antioxidants, Now with whole wheat, Now with whole grain, Now 6% fiber added, Now low fat, Now reduced fat"

Ok, as I said before the HUGE reduced fat banner on the box really only amounts to a 10 calories difference, yet 29% less taste. I think not. And the HUGE ENORMO BANNER SHOULD SCREAM "We are gonna add 1% fiber, and some crap that contains .2646% of an antioxidant so we can now call this super healthy even though this cereal contains chocolate covered sugar balls with sugar on top.



Lastly, I must say I can't even keep up with all the original stuff that has gone haywire and become a clusterfuck mess of a product that once was good. I mean, I remember when Doritos came out with Cool Ranch in the 90's and that was a big f-ing deal!! Now you have..."Cool Ranch", "Flaming Hot we will Make your Tongue Explode", "Jalapeno Lime with Burning a-hole Diarrhea included", and of course still regular ole' Nacho Cheese with 36% more now because we let out some of the half air filled bag to put 3 more chips and up the price 30 cents. I mean the cereals are now like oreos crumbled up and called some fancy oreo cereal that is "All New"! Candy bars are all jacked up too. Why would I want my milky way now with peanut butter clusters and almonds? Can't you leave my candy alone. And no...I don't want mint M&M's. Don't we already have 86576 mint chocolate candy types already?

Look grocery store product a-hole people...you aren't fooling me. I know your tricks, and I really don't like you changing labels and saying "New Look, SAME GREAT TASTE". WTF? WHY?? Just WHY??

So the next time you go grocery shopping, be a cart stalker too and laugh at all the a-holes who are about to buy these bs items!

Happy Shopping!!!

JJ