My list of weirdness...Inspiried by the annoying Target lady

I am not a normal girl, like at all. Stupid Black Friday is what got me to thinking this.

I was thinking about the 800 things about me that are so different from most chicks, and it is kinda weird but I am ok with that. At times though, I am the jerk that won't participate in certain girly activities, because they torture me when I do. Let's start with the obvious...

1. SHOPPING (this is debatable so the more obvious would be...BLACK FRIDAY SHOPPING)

Look....I like purses and shoes just as much as the next girl..really I do. BUT I would never camp outside of JC Penny's to get that purse or shoes for 5 dollars off, even 15 dollars off. I don't care how good of a deal that is, HELL NO!!!! I would like to go inside the minds of people that do this and see what could possibly compel someone to do this every year. I am not well off or anything. In fact I am rather low on funds...like always. I don't ever go without paying bills, but I do go without things I want. All. the. time.

Seriously there is a solution to this...EBAY & AMAZON. I am a psycho bargain hunter. I will find those same JCP shoes or purse....probably on ebay, amazon, OR even the JCP site with 8 promo codes, bringing my price down 40 bucks. I will search and search the high heavens of internet lands to find these items I can't go on without. This situation also happens to be very convenient. This means that while I am shopping I can do 98767 other things... like pee if i need to, shower if I need to, watch bad TV as a shop and all without standing (camping) outside a store with evil psychos for days. Just the Target lady commercial this year alone made me despise the black devil Friday shopping even more. Instead, I went to visit fun people and have drinks while all the douche bag Best Buy and Walmart campers trampled on each other.

Aside from Black Friday, I still don't enjoy random shopping. I will NOT go to the mall. When I go shop I have a list of things I am after, and then I make it about half way through before the immense annoyance for things such as these occur:

**People who just stop, mid walk in the mall and clog the walking path

**The annoying lotion guy at the kiosk who stalks you to let him tell you how bad ass your hands are about to feel, OR...

**Women with their 5 kids keep running in front of me, crawling under dressing room doors, or just screaming for no reason. NO NO NO!

As I mentioned before...during my 4 months of unemployment I thought shopping would be a nice pleasurable experience while normal people were at school & work. NO. That is key time for the annoying house wives to come out with all their kids, you know...those little assholes who are under 5?? NO NO NO!

2. JEWELRY

I do not hate jewelry. In fact I love it. BUT..I love the kind of stuff you find that you envision piecing with a certain outfit and these items usually cost under 10 bucks and usually last about 2 to 4 times of wearing. I have tons of that type of fun junk. I just have never been the girl who wishes for diamond studs for x-mas or a "tennis bracelet". What a dumb term anyway. Why would I wanna wear the same stuff everyday? It is annoying how some girls are all obsessed with crap like that. I will never be the chick who wishes for diamonds or whatever. In fact, if I received some of that shit from Walmart, I probably wouldn't even know the difference.

3. Dishes...aka CHINA

THIS IS THE WORST! I couldn't give two shits about some ugly floral patterned plates and the mini size tea cups with another ugly plate to go under it. WHY??? You people that have this use it maybe once a year and then what? Display it? NO. I don't see the point in this and I don't ever look at your ugly flowered plates when they are just "on display". I'd rather spend that massive amount of money on something cool that I'd use...oh I don't know...even six times a year will do.

I have dishes that match my crap but they are just dishes and if one breaks, oh well. I will never spend even ten bucks on fancy (ugly) dishes called china and display them like "Oh look at my expensive dishes...aren't they so awesome and rich looking?" This actually puts you at asshole status if this is you. NO CHINA EVER! Bring on the paper plates please...

4. Christmas decor

This one is not 100% out of the question. As much as my fake tree is a horrible nightmare pain in the ass, that makes a HUGE mess, I got it down this year. I can handle the tree. I can even get semi excited about this tree, maybe even a wreath on the door and lights...but I cannot understand those people who put away ALL daily towels, soap dispensers, rugs, and dishes to use Santa on everything for a month.... or more.

The x-mas bathroom hand towels are the worst...especially with a Santa shaped soap thingy next to it. I used to get x-mas stuff for x-mas every year....and on x-mas day and I'd be like "Oh wow, yay! Thanks, I will be sure to put that in storage for next year as soon as I get it home" Then I never get it out again. I just don't feel the need to go that far with it and I never had space to store a shit load of x-mas crap anyway. I politely requested no longer getting x-mas stuff for x-mas.


5. Nick Nacks & Figurines

I apologize if this offends anyone, but I f-ing hate nick nacky shit and figurines so damn much! It just looks like a big clutterfest and it's ugly. I don't get why women like this kinda crap! I want a house to look as simple as possible while still having style and feel comfortable. I instantly feel anxiety if I walk into someones house and there are 97755489768686 figurines staring at me. It feels as if I could stand up to quickly and they'd all start falling off those stupid little shelves people put against a blank wall to display them. You will never see me walking through Hallmark. I worked there for like 5 seconds as a teen and still feel tortured even seeing that place.




6. Cooking

I like to eat, and I cook, but I don't cook. The extent of my cooking is thawing out chicken and using whatever marinade I can find, then baking it and opening a can of corn/beans and heating that on the stove. Instant dinner. I have never spent hours and hours attempting to cook one meal and I probably never will. I don't mind cooking my little half ass meals, but anything beyond that is not a fun time. Cheers to all the chicks that love to cook. Invite me over.

7. Women who are always cold

I am annoyed at women that are always cold...you know, that lady in the office that has a sweater on in August and complains how cold she is every. single. day. Why are women so cold all the time? I'm thinking this is something that is just off about me because I haven't met my match on always being hot yet and probably never will. I sleep with the ceiling fan on high in December, and wouldn't even turn on the heater if the people in my house didn't force me to. Give me 40 degree weather and a blanket and I'm good to go for when it gets cold in the house. Women that are always whining about being cold seem all fragile and weak to me. I just feel annoyed at them and being in someone elses house or car and being hot is high on my list of things that suck major..

OK, so I am sure there are way more things...but these stuck out in my head as I watched the black Friday assholes and all their injuries from the Walmart stampede. Happy X-mas shopping.

JJ

I have a bad ass blog in the making...but for now it's just THIS ....

There is this wonderful blog I am so close to posting. It is the things I love vs the annoying things in life I hate. I have been adding things to each list for months now. It's not one of those blogs you can't just whip out without recalling what some of these things are, as they happen in daily life. Some of these things you won't even think of until the actual moment. For instance....I LOVE sitting Indian style, like always. I will be in bed at night winding down with DVR (one of my favorite things in existence, but don't we all find ourselves unable to live without it?)

Anyway, so I will be DVRing my ass off and sitting Indian style in the bed. In more recent happenings, I have tried to abstain from sitting that way in the office chair. I always used to before, but then again I had an office and I also had a toaster, heating pad, blender, and candles in this office.I wasn't sure if sitting this way was totally inappropriate to office people or if this was a normal thing. All i know is, when I look around I never see an adult woman sitting in such a way in an office environment. Maybe because people still find dresses necessary for work. I own 2 dresses.... and they are both for wedding type events. Pants allow the Indian style position to be possible in all situations. I adore that and finally last week my legs were almost twitching to be in that position. It is almost second nature to just throw those legs up into that chair in a perfect Indian position and pull myself under the desk so no one sees it. I understand this is not lady like, but that term sucks and is stupid anyway. Why do I have to be "lady like". What is lady like? I will sit with my ankles behind my head if i feel the need an according to my BF "C", I am quite flexible, hence my immense love for the Indian style sitting.

I HAVE SPENT WAY TOO MUCH TIME DISCUSSING HOW I CHOOSE TO SIT. MY INDIAN STYLE LOVE DISCUSSION ENDS HERE!

Now, on to my awesome blog topic. It will happen soon. I get that no one comments, but I know at least 5 of you now read and are dying to know my thoughts on all things awesome....you are...right???

It is an awesome thing to not hate my job, and not be crying by 5pm on a Sunday. It is NOT so awesome to find a pair of bad ass jeans that you forgot you had and put them on... to discover they cause a serious crotch comfort issue, BUT with that said, I am making good progress and I will be in all my old pants by x-mas.

YES I WILL...I have lost some weight finally after 3 months off the devil's pills. Speaking of x-mas...

I would like the end this pitiful entry with a thought about the holiday season. I have always enjoyed laughing at the x-mas songs in October..the lights that people start putting out on November 1st and most importantly....the Christmas clothing. I have been a huge x-mas scrooge for the past few years and didn't even feel the need for a tree, but this year I feel 58% more holiday-ish and will deal with the tree situation. BUT...under NO circumstances will x-mas attire EVER EVER EVER be ok and I will not EVER be ok with the car antlers that I am ALREADY seeing and will see well into mid January!!

Ok, this is going no where fast and it's time to go chill. I have a sore throat from laughing at such things all day yesterday with C as we wandered about the stores for about 10 hours, which is a miracle for me being that I hate shopping and prefer Mr. UPS to bring me the things I want and must have within 3 to 5 days.